I have a personality flaw. It has traveled with me if not from birth, then from childhood. It’s the drive to finish, the sense that I have to complete whatever it is I’m working on in a hurry. Time feels to me like a huge hammer ready to swing down and stop all forward progress. So, I rush.
While this pervades many aspects of my life, it is most apparent in creative works. Maybe watching half-hour episodes of painting on television has propelled me into this strange idea that I can work a masterpiece in a short period of time. Maybe it is the sense that there is not enough time to do what I need to do that has pushed me into a rush to finish works of art or writing. In any case, I find that instead of having painted a masterpiece, I have a hundred mediocre pictures, most of which were scrapped. Instead of having an epic, I have novellas.
I am striving to change. It’s an ingrained personality trait and as such will take work. My idea is to transform into a perfectionist, which is the opposing side of my personality. I am already rebelling at the thought. I can see it in the excuses I want to write, the reasoning for why it will take so long to accomplish, and the areas in which it should not apply.
It’s not a New Year’s resolution. It’s a life-time resolution–one that I’m going to challenge myself with.
jeanetteraleigh 